Before/After of Sword of a Princess

I've decided to do a before/after, except with stories instead of pictures.  This is the scene before I did an author's edit:

Emmy woke up to her clock alarm beeping so loud and so sudden it nearly gave her a heart attack and she had to jab the snooze button several times before it finally shut off.  Crawling out from under her warm covers she shivered, before stumbling to her dresser and looking at herself in the mirror.

            “I look awful.”  She wasn't ugly, really she wasn't, but she thought she was.  She had soft brown hair, that was beautifully wavy when it was long, but at the moment it was cut short, at her jawline; her eyes were dazzlingly green and her skin was neither too pale, nor too dark.

            Within moments she was dressed and heading to school, Yay, just what I want.  She thought.  Another day in the terrible confines of this thing called school.  With my stepsisters.  How wonderful.

            And her day had begun.

             

And this is after:

Emmy startled awake when her alarm clock let out the first squawking beep.  Recovering from her daily heart attack, she jabbed the off button until it shut off.  Grudgingly, Emmy crawled out from under her warm blankets and shivered before stumbling to the dresser and squinting at herself in the mirror.

            “I look awful,” she groaned.  She was not ugly, but due to self-esteem issues, she was convinced that she was.  Her hair was soft, brown, and framed her face.  If she had let it grow, it would have been wavy, but it was cut short, barely below her jawline, so appeared straight.  Piercing green eyes gazed out from her smooth, pale face, showing intelligence that was often overlooked because of her shyness.

            She picked out clothes that she knew her stepsisters probably wouldn’t scold her for and within moments she was dressed and walking out the door.  Joy, just what I wanted for today.  She thought sarcastically.  Spending the day with my stepsisters in the confines of school.  No escape.  Definitely better than sleeping in.

I don't try to make the paragraphs longer, but sometimes that's how it turned out.  This is an excerpt from Sword of a Princess, the sequel to The Unnamed Legend.  I finished writing Sword of a Princess last year and this is the first author edit of it.  I cringe at my mistakes.  Anyway, let me know what you liked about it and what you think could stand a change.

©2015 Katie Holm